Crossroads (Finding My Way) Read online

  Crossroads

  Finding My Way, book two

  By Megan Keith

  Copyright © Megan Keith 2013

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover Design by Kari Ayasha of Cover to Cover Designs

  Cover Photo by Mandy Hollis of MHPhotography

  Cover models - Brittany Cannon & David Martinez

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people or real places are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All songs titles and lyrics quoted herein remain the property of the respective copyright holders.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the author, unless in quote form.

  Crossroads Playlist

  This will be a habit of mine, so get used to it! I love to listen to music, it’s my favourite pastime besides reading, and I have to put music into my stories. So again I have compiled a list of songs that either feature in this book, inspired me or I imagined to be playing in the background of a particular scene. Of course, the list is in order of appearance and I hope you like these songs as much as I do, or my characters do, whatever. Enjoy!

  Without You - David Guetta (featuring Usher)

  This is What it Feels Like - Armin Van Buuren (featuring Trevor Guthrie)

  Sorry - Buckcherry

  Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO

  Witchcraft - Pendulum

  The Fear - Ben Howard

  Crossfire - Brandon Flowers

  Walking On A Dream - Empire Of The Sun

  Clarity - Zedd (featuring Foxes)

  Eyes Wide Open - Gotye

  Wake Me Up - Avicii

  Under The Gun - The Killers

  All Is Not Lost - OK Go

  Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

  The Girl - City And Colour

  Depth Over Distance - Ben Howard

  Yeah 3X - Chris Brown

  Don’t You Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia (featuring John Martin)

  I Need Your Love - Calvin Harris (featuring Ellie Goulding)

  Just One Last Time - David Guetta (featuring Taped Rai)

  Ghost - Sparkadia

  Eyes - Rogue Wave

  PROLOGUE

  Emma

  Seth left my apartment that Saturday night and I never heard from him again. I called in sick on Monday. I couldn’t face going to work. I felt positively wretched for what I had done to him. The look on his face was something I don’t think I will ever forget. There he was thinking we had a future that included marriage and babies and I broke his heart, giving him nothing in return.

  I called in sick again on Tuesday, I was only planning to talk to our new receptionist, leave a message, but my boss Julia intercepted the call. She informed me that Seth was gone. He’d quit on Monday morning, cleared out his things and left. No notice. He told Julia about a job opportunity in Sydney he couldn’t turn down. Seth had apologised profusely for leaving without any notice and told Julia to keep an eye on me.

  I hurt him and yet he was still considerate enough to be concerned about me…

  It only broke my heart further.

  On Wednesday, I drove to work and parked in Seth’s spot. Facing everyone was awkward, they all knew we were a couple and they all treated me with trepidation and kindness, thinking Seth had broken up with me. That he had up and left me. Dumped me for a job opportunity in another city. It only furthered my guilt. Eventually it ate away at me so much I told Sophie the whole story. I did so knowing she would get word out on my behalf, I didn’t need or deserve any sympathy. Soon word did get out that I was the bad guy. And the sympathy was taken away, replaced by whispers and meaningful glances, making me feel like the monster I truly was.

  Emma

  “I can’t believe you talked me into this,” I complain for the umpteenth time as we line up outside the nightclub.

  “Stop your whinging you owe me a night out, you both do,” Kat says beside me.

  “How do you figure that?” Kat’s cousin April asks from my other side.

  “You went clubbing without me last time!” she says, pretending to be upset.

  “Well you were on your honeymoon!” I say, dramatically rolling my eyes as we reach the bouncer at the door. We all show our IDs and he lets us through.

  “That’s beside the point.” Kat pouts at me over her shoulder.

  The music is loud as we enter the club. It’s dark and crowded. There is a faint blue tinge to the smoky room as the lights flash in time to the beat. We make our way to the bar and order our drinks. I scan the crowd while waiting for our order. My heart is thumping as the music vibrates through me, though it’s not the music creating the nervous energy around me. It’s Nick. I’m worried I might bump into him here. He loves to go clubbing and even though I’m not sure if this is a club he goes too, I can’t help but be reminded of the last time I went dancing.

  “Will you relax?” Kat whisper-yells in my ear. “We are here to have fun! Just chill.”

  “I’m trying,” I say as I grab my drink and change from the top of the bar.

  We walk over to a tall table that doesn’t have any stools around it. It seems they have all been taken away to be occupied by people at other tables, which is frustrating as my shoes are already killing me. I don’t know how I let April talk me into wearing them. She really has the power of persuasion down to a fine art. I had bought these shoes on a whim, months ago, but had only worn them once before tossing them in the back of my wardrobe, now I remember why.

  I look down at the strappy silver heels that are causing me grief, she is right though, they do look good and they do match the glittery black dress I’m wearing. It was also a spur of the moment purchase, but it was more recent - I bought it today when Kat and I went shopping. I had tried the tired excuse of not having anything to wear, therefore being unable to go clubbing. But of course Kat only insisted on a shopping spree to fix the issue. I should have known that would happen. I’ve lost some weight this past couple of weeks and so I felt confident in the sexy little number, before I left the apartment that is. Now I’m here all I can think about is the possibility of seeing Nick, so all confidence has flown out the window. And the form-fitting and short dress I am wearing now feels way too revealing.

  “You are a girl after my own heart!” April laughs, as I nervously finish off my drink way ahead of the other two. “Well if it helps you get out of this slump, I’m gonna buy you another. Same again ladies?” Kat and I both nod as April finishes off her drink and then heads back to the bar.

  “You okay?” Kat asks, giving my arm a squeeze.

  “Yeah.” I shrug my shoulders.

  “I know it’s only been two weeks, but you are allowed to have fun you know? You deserve a little fun Em,” she says reassuringly. I force a smile her way. “For me?” she says in a whiny voice, batting her eyelashes at me, making my smile turn genuine.

  “Okay.”

  I am trying, but it’s hard to enjoy myself when I can remember exactly what Seth’s face looked like when I crushed him only a fortnight ago. I messed up so bad. I don’t deserve to be happy right now. I know I don’t want to go back to Seth, but it doesn’t make it any easier, the guilt is always there. I could have handled things better, maybe ended things earlier, I don’t know.

  Then there’s Nick. I still can’t stop thinking about him and what could never be. I feel like my heart is torn in two different directions, guilt and pain, versus lust and regret. And there I was thinking I could just focus on my career and be happily single. Yeah, that ideal lasted for abou
t a day! “Strong, independent woman” my arse!

  April squeals excitedly, putting drinks down on our table. “Drink up girls, I wanna dance!”

  I do exactly that. Drinking away the night is the only thing that is going to make me happy at this point. I slam my glass back down as the icy cold liquid slides down my throat, burning as it goes. It’s funny how a cold drink can feel like it’s burning. Seconds later, Kat’s glass follows mine. She gives me a smirk. I’ve got my drinking partner back. It’s been a while since Kat has let her hair down. The last time was her hens’ night. After that, the stress of organising a wedding took every waking moment. Now the honeymoon is over and life is settling back into a regular pattern, it’s time for her to cut loose.

  “Let’s boogie!” Kat squeals, raising her hands in the air and waving them about before bringing them back down to loop them through both mine and April’s.

  We push our way to the centre of the crowded dance floor as one doof-doof tune bleeds into another. I get jostled by a large man who’s dancing overenthusiastically. He almost makes me fall and apologises straight away, but continues to dance like a crazy person, so I pull on Kat’s arm to move a little away from him. The last thing I need is a broken ankle.

  I dance along with Kat and April and force myself to smile. I don’t want to bring Kat down on her first girls’ night out in ages. She’s the reason I’m here. Clubbing was the absolute last thing I felt like doing tonight, or ever, but Kat had insisted…

  “C’mon, I haven’t been out in ages!” Kat whined.

  “Okay, okay! But do we have to go clubbing? Can’t we do something else?”

  “Pretty please.” She batted her eyelashes at me. “I really want to go dancing.”

  Kat was my best friend, she knew I couldn’t say no to her. It’s not like I was going to do anything but mope around my apartment anyway. But clubbing? The last time I went to a night club it was fun until I went home with Nick and he humiliatingly rejected me. He’s a DJ, so in my head, clubbing is always going to be associated with him.

  “As long as we don’t go to a club that Nick is working at.” Kat rolled her eyes. “I mean it Kat!”

  “Alright, I will make sure he is not the DJ.” She held her hands up in surrender.

  “Promise that this isn’t some ploy to get me to talk to Nick. You know how well it worked out the last time.”

  “Will you let it go already? I’m sorry, okay? Well I’m sorry that you got hurt, but I’m not sorry about helping you to realise what you really wanted.” She looked at me with concern and then gave me a squeeze on my arm, “And that is Nick by the way.”

  It doesn’t matter if I wanted Nick, he wasn’t the one for me. I was still mad at Kat for interfering on my birthday. Not only did she invite him to the pub, but she left me to be driven home by him too. That night was yet another time he had kissed me and left me reeling, left me feeling hurt, confused and rejected. And Kat had helped to orchestrate the whole thing.

  “Woohoo!” Kat yells and pumps her arm in the air as a new song starts. She smiles at me and I can’t help but return her grin. Alright, I’m not that mad at her. She’s a good friend, her intentions were noble and she did force me to come to a conclusion. The next day I had made the tough decision to end things with Seth.

  Nick

  So I was out DJing again. I hadn’t been to a club for any other reason in weeks. When I’m not working at a club or the station, I have been at the gym or home. On occasion I have also been the third wheel with Dan and Jo too. Every other moment the past couple of weeks have been spent with Hailey. She's fun. I'm going to miss her when I leave for Greece.

  “Hey I’m DJ Stozie!” I call into the microphone. “I hope you’re all having a fun time! This is my last song for tonight.”

  I launch into the latest David Guetta track. I was a last minute fill in and didn’t need to bring my own gear tonight so it only takes me a second to collect my belongings. I head out of the booth just in time for Hailey to throw her arms around me.

  “Thanks so much for making me come out tonight!” she breathes in my ear. She’s a little overexcited and when I smell the bourbon on her breath I know why. Even though I first met Hailey at a nightclub, she’s not that much into clubbing, and it had taken a bit of convincing to get her to come tonight. Obviously she was enjoying herself now though, thanks to some alcoholic courage. “It was so good to see you at work Nick!”

  “Thanks for coming,” I say, squeezing her back.

  Emma

  My heart starts to race at the sound of his voice over the loud speaker. Immediately I seek out the location of the booth and spot him as he walks out of it. He looks good. I can’t believe he’s here. I know my eyes are bugging out of my head but I can’t stop staring. Not only is Nick the DJ tonight but there he is, in my direct line of sight with his arms around a girl. And she’s very attractively smiling up at him.

  “I’m sorry Em!” Kat yells in my ear. “I swear he was not the DJ listed to play, you saw the posters outside the club too.”

  I swipe at my eyes as angry tears form in them. She’s right, we had both checked. There must have been a cancellation or something, it’s the only explanation. I stand still as a statue as I watch Nick put his arm around the girl’s shoulder and they head for the exit.

  “Em.” Kat’s pulling on my arm. “Please look at me.”

  When I can no longer see Nick, I turn to face her. The look on her face is a mixture of pity and pleading.

  “Who’s for another drink?” I ask with false cheer. I don’t wait for a reply from either of the girls as I hastily make my way to the bar. I shove my way to the front, not caring about the toes I’m stepping on or the rudeness of my approach. I don’t care that I am cutting in line. I yell out my order for a shot of tequila. Before I’ve even paid, I have drunk it and ordered another. Kat spins me back to face her.

  “I’m sorry Em. I swear I didn’t know.”

  I turn away from her. I feel the hot tears about to overflow from my eyes as I hand over my money to the bartender and swallow my second shot. I look Kat square in the eyes.

  “I want to go home.”

  She knows I’m not kidding so she doesn’t argue. She exchanges a look with April who is standing behind her and then we silently leave the club. We stand just as silently as we wait for an available taxi. It’s uncharacteristically cold for this time of year. It’s November already when’s it going to warm up? I rub my arms to keep warm as I stare out onto the road trying to rein in my feelings. So he was at the club with a girl? Big deal. He has every right to see whoever he wants. And he doesn’t want me.

  “I’m sorry Em,” Kat says again.

  “Stop apologising!” I snap and then turn towards her and speak more gently, “It’s not your fault. He wasn’t supposed to be working here.”

  “Yeah, I know that. I’m still sorry you saw him though,” Kat says, looking down at her feet.

  “I can’t believe he was with someone else! I swear he was so into you Em!” April says. “I don’t understand how he could be dating someone else already.” She shakes her head in disbelief.

  “That’s just what he’s like.” I shrug. I knew Nick was never that interested in me. He only wanted what he couldn’t have. He obviously got over that. I’m not surprised to see him dating or hooking up or whatever he was doing with that girl. It doesn’t make it hurt any less though.

  ***

  “Well that’s it for today then, unless anyone has anything to add?” Julia asks, looking around the board room. “Good.” She stands up and promptly leaves. I watch absentmindedly as everyone follows.

  “Are you okay?” I hear a gentle voice ask. Looking up, I see it’s our new receptionist Renee. I glance around the room and realise we are the only two left.

  “Yes, I’m fine.” I blink at her. I watch as she starts to stack the cups and saucers from our Wednesday morning meeting. Standing up, I say, “Here, let me help you with those.”

&nbs
p; “Thanks.”

  We collect all the bits of crockery and dump them in the kitchen. I start to fill the sink.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Renee says, coming up behind me with the last of the dishes.

  “Force of habit.” The phone rings. “You can go grab that. I’ll do these.”

  “Are you sure? I can come back and do them.”

  “It’s fine,” I smile at her, “go.” She smiles back sweetly and then hastily walks out of the kitchen to answer the phone.

  I return my attention to the sink. I am volunteering to do the dishes, which used to be the worst part of my job when I was the receptionist. What is wrong with me? I’ve got plenty of work to do at my own desk. But I’m not excited about it. Surely it’s better than doing dishes though? I shake my head. My work requires concentration, dishes don’t. I think that’s the problem. I haven’t been able to do a lot of concentrating lately. Ever since Seth left for Sydney and Nick left my life, I’ve had a hard time getting enthusiastic about anything. And since seeing Nick at the club last weekend, he's about the only thing on my mind.

  Nick

  “So how have you been Nick?” Hailey asks as I enter through her doorway. “Actually, you look like shit.”

  “Thanks,” I mumble as I take a seat in the armchair.

  “What’s wrong? You still obsessing over Em?” she asks, passing me a glass of amber liquid. I know better than to ask what it is and gulp it down immediately. The alcohol burns my throat and I welcome the feeling.

  “Hailey, can we not talk about her?” I ask, holding the empty glass out for a refill. Em is the last thing I want to talk about now. It’s bad enough that I can’t stop thinking about her still, even after all this time has passed. I definitely don’t need to talk about her anymore; I’ve done enough of that.